Twine
by RonanTadhg
Summary: More random conversing. Dan/Tay, with Mayrie. WARNING: completely pointless.


_[Okay, so I wrote this whole thing in the space of time it took me to drink one beer and throw a packet of chopsticks at my boyfriend, so I apologise if it doesn't make much sense. Also, three-way banter is much harder than two way. Also, I don't own any of the characters. Oh and 'twine' is a type of string, in case anyone didn't know :D set sometime between THL and TAM]_

"And another interesting thing about twine, which I only found out just the other day, would you imagine, is that it doesn't have to be a string made out of only two strands- some people actually consider strings made out of three strands to be twine..."

"Yes. That is fascinating." Dannyl was staring at Orrend, his face set in an expression of determined interest.

"But as I was saying to Gerrend only yesterday, some people really don't know their twine and- I say old chap, I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Not at all," Dannyl whispered, his eyes glazed. "Please. Do. Go on."

"Jolly good! Anyway, I was saying to Gerrend- or was it Karrend? Fascinating chap, Karrend. Have you met? Charming wife, his second marriage don't you know, but still, charming woman. So, I was saying to Karrend- or Gerrend- that an awful lot of people don't pay attention to the properties of twine for some reason, and..."

Tayend felt like he was going to die.

They had been talking about twine, its various properties and benefits, for the last two hours. Maybe it was more than two hours. Time and space didn't really have any meaning to Tayend anymore. Now, he knew only one thing for certain:

He hated twine.

"-and you know, while it has agricultural purposes it can also-"

"Darling." Mayrie cut across him with a brittle smile.

"Yes?"

"You're dreadfully tired."

"Am I?"

"Yes. You should go to bed."

"I should?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Righty ho then." Orrend stood and yawned. "I'm awfully sorry, but I seem to be dreadfully tired. Excuse me, I really must retire to bed."

After Orrend left the room, Dannyl's eyes slowly lost their glazed appearance. "Is it over?"

"For now," Mayrie muttered darkly.

"How do you do that?" Tayend asked his sister.

"Do what?"

"Make him just do whatever you say?"

"Well." Mayrie cracked her knuckles. "It's based on suggestion techniques, passed down through the ages, combined with the fact that Orrend is an idiot."

"D'you think I could learn to do that?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Dannyl murmured.

"But it would be so useful."

"Not for me it wouldn't be."

"But it would be for me."

"Well I- are you implying I'm an easy to manipulate idiot?"

"Not implying as such, just..."

"Just what?"

"Um."

"Exactly."

"Shut up. Anyway, Mayrie, could you teach me how to do it?"

"Sorry," said Mayrie, pouring herself more wine. "But to do it you require a sharp mind and quick wit."

"So?"

"So where do you plan to get either of those things from?"

Dannyl chuckled quietly. Tayend glared at him.

"I'll have you know I still have the brain of a young man!"

"Really."

"Yes really!"

"Do you keep it in a drawer?"

Tayend laughed, giving in. "Sure, the sock drawer. Dannyl's always getting annoyed about there being brain juice all over his socks, aren't you?"

"Oh yes, all the time," Dannyl agreed.

Mayrie chuckled.

"Although, having a brain in the drawer does attract the mice, who-"

"Baby brother, if you're half as clever as you claim to be, why don't you know when to let the brain metaphor go?"

"Because shut up."

"I see." Mayrie arched an eyebrow. "Glad we cleared that one up."

There was a quiet thud from upstairs.

"Is Orrend alright to be left on his own up there?" Dannyl asked, concerned.

"I hope you aren't suggesting I go up and join him," Mayrie replied.

"Not at all, but... this is an unfamiliar house to him. Do you think he'll find his way okay?"

"Hard to know. Half the time, the man can't find his own nose."

Tayend giggled. "Mayrie, that's a dreadful thing to say! Hey... perhaps he'll accidentally fall out of a window."

"And that's not dreadful?"

"I did say accidentally."

"Is this going to be like the time you accidentally hid my robes?"

"Or the time you accidentally put on some of my make up?"

"Or the time you accidentally drank- wait, what was that about make up?"

Mayrie laughed loudly. "Oh, it's a fantastic story! I can't believe Tayend hasn't ever told you!"

"Don't you dare-"

"So I come into my room one day, and there's Tayend-"

"Stopit-"

"-and he's got lipstick kinda smeared on him-"

"Stopit-"

"-not even on his mouth, more like around his general face area-"

"Stopit-"

"-and he looks up at me, all innocent like-"

"Stopit-"

"-and he says to me-"

"Stop-"

"-'oh, sorry Mayrie, it was an accident!'-"

"-it-"

"And obviously I ask him how, so he says well I was just looking-"

"Stopit-"

"-and I ask him what he was looking for-"

"Cease! Desist!"

"-in my room anyway, so he-"

"Please stop-"

"-says 'I was just looking for those pictures of-'"

"I WONDER WHAT ORREND IS DOING UPSTAIRS," yelled Tayend.

Mayrie smirked. "Oh, sorry, did you not want me to tell that story?"

There's another thud from upstairs.

"I really do wonder what he's doing up there." Dannyl looked worried. "I hope he hasn't wondered into anyone else's room by mistake."

"Something up there you wish to hide, Ambassador?" asked Mayrie sweetly.

"No." Dannyl coloured. "Of course not."

"Nothing Orrend could find, anyway," Tayend added.

"But what if..." Dannyl lent over and whispered something into Tayend's ear. Tayend's eyes widened.

"Surely he won't look in there."

"But what if he does?"

"Gentlemen," said Mayrie, with a half smile. "If I was a crude minded person, I might imagine there was something quite untoward going on between the two of you."

Dannyl blushed.

"But as it is," she continued, "I see no smutty or scandalous implications attached to two unmarried men of the same age sharing a house. If friendship isn't allowed in this day and age, then what is? And furthermore, should those two friends ever chose to get naked and frolic together, then good luck to them. All part of a normal manly friendship, in my book."

Tayend choked slightly on his wine. "I don't think this is a book I've ever read."

Dannyl was the colour of a tomato.

Tayend looked at him. "I think you've killed my Dannyl."

"Really?"

"Really. I'm not sure he's breathing anymore."

"Perhaps you should give him mouth to mouth."

"I think that might make the situation worse."

"Hm. Well, I'd definitely feel worse if you gave me mouth to mouth, so I see your point."

"Why thank you."

"Anytime."

There was a pause.

"Do you think he'll ever move again?"

"Maybe his brain has gone into shut down."

"That's possible."

"Lucky you've got that other one in the drawer, to replace it with."

"Indeed it is."

"Unless Orrend finds it and, I don't know, tries to use it as a football or a hat or something."

"Is he really that stupid?"

"Did we just sit through a two hour lecture on twine?"

"Good point."


End file.
